Top 10 things that would spice up the PBA Finals

Thank you for the 90s.
Now please retire before you embarrass yourself
even further. Or give out a lame moniker.

10. Bring back the AKTV Center
We understand that Mico Halili, Jason Webb and Magoo Marjon are all preoccupied doing live commentary, and that Aaron Atayde is doing his thing and holding the fort at some impromptu set within the compounds of whichever arena the games are being played-- but we seriously miss the silver and red set with LCDs. Sometimes we wonder, if Richard del Rosario's episode with the well-endowed ring girl played a role in the AKTV Center's "hiatus."

9. Less TV time for Quinito Henson
Did "The Dean" really say that Rain or Shine's power forward Jervy Cruz a.k.a. "Young Alvin Patrimonio" can play and dominate the 3, 4 and 5 positions? He's already under sized at the four and that's where we'd like to keep him, but seriously, when the hell did it ever cross anyone's mind-- Jervy's included, that the former King UST Tiger play the SMALL FORWARD position? Also, it's getting really embarrassing for his co-anchors (we feel for you Mico Halili) to try and ignore all the B.S. that Henson spews like he hasn't been doing his homework as of late.


8. Yeng Guiao to start acting like Yeng Guiao
When they started showing the halftime dugout footages, we feared the worst for Pampanga's favorite son. He is, afterall, running for a pivotal seat come the elections and we're not sure if the public could handle a "no holds barred" version of Guiao. You know, with the way his team's been playing the first two games of the finals, the "old" Guiao would've gone on a 30-minute profanity-laced tirade that would leave even the burly Beau Belga emotionally scarred for life. Seriously, what is going on with this dude? He's been all zen and shit, Norman Black's actually the one who is looking like he'd blow a vein even when his team is up by double digits.

7. Rain or Shine having their own "rent-a-college-band"
Wonder where Talk 'n' Text's band came from- San Beda, Ateneo or Wil Time Big Time?

6. More interaction with the crowd
Since Rain or Shine is doing such a great job in getting their asses handed to them and wasting the albeit surprising advantage they have in terms of fans in attendance, the PBA should make an effort in providing in-game entertainment. Just to get a reaction. You know, while the Texters are mauling the Elastopainters and all, the SMART Araneta Cube plays re-runs of "Walang Hanggan." Better yet, since we're talking TV5 here, air Derek Ramsey's KIDLAT. Just to tide us over through the first two quarters of painful, grind-it-out, low scoring basketball.

5. Someone tell Sel Guevarra to lose the wig
All our lady friends are saying the same thing. Her head's too small to be sporting a wig that big. (Oh no she didn't. Oh yes she did. *snap, snap*)

4. The Truth back on national television
Benjie Paras was probably thrown in the mix to provide comic relief. He's been failing so far. And even when he's asked about basketball-- a sport he once dominated, he can only come up with "Tama si Coach Ronnie" spiels. We say, leave the funny business to Mico Halili and Jason Webb, and have Jojo Lastimosa back on board.

"You know the phrob-lehm with thee-se Elas-toe Painturrs? Takot sila makipagsabayen. They urr scurred of thee Texturrs." - THE TRUTH!

3. Less Artista Academy promos
For Pete's sake, no one cares about these kids. If we did, we'd be watching TV5 instead of AKTV. Wait, the girls, you can keep. Oh, wait, they're all under age. Hay.

2. More sexy half time production numbers
Game 1 half time. And the way it ended. With the money shot on the dancer's ass. Sweet.

Or i-babad niyo sa harap si Erika Padilla, full body shot lagi. 

1.  A flagrant foul penalty two
Oh it's coming. We can feel it.